I know no one makes it in the performing arts world, or really even the art world, without massive amounts of confidence. Whether it’s a subtle stable look in their eyes or a bold stance. Confidence is absolutely key. That being said, I do not believe someone who is about to be 19 who hasn’t danced in years really has any business thinking about a career as a performer.

Sure it sounds great, having that kind of lifestyle. When it comes down to it though, there are hundreds of other girls who are smarter, thinner, more flexible, better trained, and more determined than I am. I know I will have regrets and wonder ‘what-if’ when I’m older if I don’t give this whole thing one more shot. In order for the this attempt to happen, changes will need to be made. Diet, exercise, whole lifestyle adjustments. However, what if I spend a whole summer eating lettuce, drinking water, stretching my heart out, and watching dance videos like no one’s business and I still don’t make it. I know my ability to perform is under par, along with my ability to take in choreography, and even my musicality.

I have to wonder if I really want to be a dancer or I just want to set myself up for failure. However, the bottum line is: I need to major in something during college. Nothing more can be known right now, I will just have to see what my body is capable of and how much I can change my cognitive abilities to become the best dancer I can be. But fuck, is it frightening.

Why is the only fucking thing I think I want to do one of the only things I can’t do?